One look at the pink, satin, double-frilled alternative that’s laid out before him, though, and there’s a sudden volte-face. Now he’s practically leaping into the blue shirt, sequins and all. Principles? Darling, this is Strictly, some things – sequins included – are non-negotiable.
Poised between fellow Strictly contestants Daisy Lowe and Louise Redknapp, who are both wafting through our photoshoot today like pros in their gorgeous floaty dresses, he looks like a big bejewelled butterfly.
‘I’m taking the Jeremy Vine approach to this show,’ he insists. ‘He started last year by dressing very classically in a black suit and bow tie, and I want to do the same – be careful and build, emerging slowly from my chrysalis.’
Still, it’s all about to get even more terrifying. Just as he’s shaking his head and admitting that the fake tan spray is a ‘Rubicon I have not yet crossed’, a BBC girl pops up to tell him it’s time for his allocated slot. His face turns grey.
‘You are joking?’ he says. She is not. It’s another Strictly lesson learned. ‘The reality about this show is that I keep thinking they’re joking,’ he groans. ‘I thought the fake tan thing was one of those things you laugh about, but it turns out they actually do it. Oh my God! I’m now all goosebumpy.’
To be fair, we’re all a bit goosebumpy. Not since Ann Widdecombe has the appearance of a politician on the famous dancefloor been so eagerly anticipated.
Even model Daisy and former Eternal singer Louise seem giddy with excitement when they pitch up for today’s shoot. They go off looking for Ed like groupies, sighing about how wonderful he is. Was he this popular at Westminster? Surely not.
Not since Ann Widdecombe has the appearance of a politician on the famous dancefloor been so eagerly anticipated. Even model Daisy and former Eternal singer Louise seem giddy with excitement about meeting Ed
How much duller this could all have been. Had things gone according to plan, Balls – a formidable political heavyweight with a first-class Oxford degree who was once largely running the Treasury for Gordon Brown and then Shadow Chancellor under Ed Miliband – should have been gearing up for the annual Labour conference this week. What with Brexit and the Labour Party being in freefall, there would have been quite a bit to discuss.
Every contestant has his or her own reason for signing up for the show. This year’s line-up, from left to right, is Melvin Odoom, Anastacia, Greg Rutherford, Laura Whitmore, Daisy Lowe, Ed Balls MP, Louise Redknapp, Danny Mac, Tameka Empson, Will Young, Ore Oduba, Claudia Fragapane, Judge Robert Rinder, Lesley Joseph, Naga Munchetty
Alas, when Labour lost the last election he also lost his seat in Leeds and decided to fill the void in his life with some Strictly sparkle. So instead of joining in the usual conference capers he’ll be throwing shapes with his very brave dance partner Katya Jones.
At the moment, though, the most earnest talk is of fake tans. Again Ed, 49, admits he sought advice from Jeremy Vine. ‘I asked him about fake tan in the confident expectation he’d say, ‘They’ll try and make you but don’t go near it.’
‘Instead he said, ‘I did it every week! I stripped naked. It was great.’ Ed looks downcast. ‘It was a terrible moment.’
Louise Redknapp, 41, is a TV presenter, blogger and, mostly, a mum, with dance partner Kevin Clifton
Of course, his MP wife Yvette Cooper, who still very much has a seat, will be at the Labour Conference, thereby missing his first faltering steps on that dance floor. Is he not worried that the sight of him in sequins will affect her credibility?
‘Was there any question with respect to my credibility?’ he wonders. ‘No, it doesn’t affect her credibility at all. The reality is I’m out of politics and doing Strictly. It was Yvette who said, ‘You’ve got to do it, you’ve got to lose weight!’
Charming! It turns out that Yvette, who’s organised a party to watch his first dance from the conference this weekend (the competition proper started last night and continues tonight), has been helping him at home with his steps.
‘We’ve been doing quite a lot of posture work. Basically she takes photos and sends them to Katya and Katya says, ‘Get him to drop his neck and get his elbow up.’
Yvette has also had some stern words about his attire. The peculiar shirt with ‘beer barrel hoops’ he wore during the debut group dance on the launch show three weeks ago did not go down well at home, he reveals.
‘Yvette said, ‘What on earth were you wearing?’ I said, ‘I don’t know’ because I actually didn’t know. I’m now taking a closer eye on things because the hoops were a real mistake. I’m learning to embrace spangles to try and divert attention from my gut.’
Louise pictured with husband Jamie Redknapp at the Cannes Lions 2015. She says she’s found it tougher than she thought to get dancing
In Parliament Ed was always regarded as a bit of a bruiser but he’s clearly trying to come to terms with his flamboyant side. ‘One of the male professionals asked us to do a wiggling thing and I said, ‘I can’t do that. It’s too camp.’ And he retorted, ‘This is Strictly! Nothing is ever too camp!’ So I’m embracing my inner camp. Yvette said I can just about get away with glitter and sequins but no frills – not even for the paso doble.’
Ed’s always been ferociously ambitious and wants to win at everything, be it a Commons football match or mastering the piano, which he’s currently trying to do. So why didn’t he get back on the horse and vow to win back his Leeds seat? ‘I couldn’t have imagined the defeat and my situation now at all,’ he says.
‘It was one of those just kind of total shock moments where everything changes in a second and it’s like a big fall. I thought if I had to scrape back in it would be a really difficult and miserable five years. I missed being in government, but we weren’t going to be in government. I felt calm because it’s not often your life’s a completely blank canvas.’
Not so blank considering he’s just published his autobiography Speaking Out and that he teaches economics at Harvard University.
How does he reconcile his huge intelligence with appearing on a skittish show like Strictly? ‘I’m not sure it’s got anything to do with intelligence.
‘I think it’s to do with being happy to be who you are in public, and it took me a long time to feel that,’ he explains. He’s talking, of course, about the big hurdle he overcame to make it to the top in politics, the stammer he suffered from when he first arrived at Westminster.
‘When I was first elected an MP I was still dealing with my stammer. I spent two years trying to work out how to deal with it in private. In the end the experts said the only way to deal with it is to speak about it publicly and let people see who you really are. So if it hadn’t been for my stammer, maybe I wouldn’t have been able to do Strictly.’
Every contestant has his or her own reason for signing up for the show. This year’s line-up includes singer Will Young, Olympian Greg Rutherford, gymnast Claudia Fragapane and US pop star Anastacia.
One of the babies of the show is Daisy Lowe, 27, the daughter of singer, model and designer Pearl Lowe, who grew up amid the sex, drugs and rock’n’roll chaos in Primrose Hill and Camden, north London.
Before she’d even left school she had a successful modelling career, handpicked by Karl Lagerfeld to model for Chanel. Daisy had grown up believing her father was her mother’s former partner, naturopathic medical doctor Bronner Handwerger, but a paternity test in 2004, when she was 15, revealed that her father was, in fact, Bush lead singer, Gavin Rossdale, until recently married to pop star Gwen Stefani.
Such an odd background might make you go off the rails, but today Daisy insists that the opposite was the case. ‘I was a Saffy,’ she says, referring to the very sensible daughter from Ab Fab, ‘but much less so now.
‘I’m a lot less restricted and more comfortable being me, so it’s OK if I’m a bit clumsy and a bit of a dork.’ She says her mother’s openness about everything, even her drug-taking, meant that Daisy didn’t feel any need to rebel. ‘I never wanted to go off the rails because it wasn’t a taboo.’
These days she’s dating model Frankie Wade (past boyfriends have included DJ Mark Ronson and former Doctor Who star Matt Smith), and she brushes off any suggestion that her to-die-for figure will attract attention on the show. ‘Boys never chat me up,’ she complains. ‘Maybe they’re scared of me.’
She’s delighted to have been paired up with Aljaz Skorjanec, whose fiancée is fellow pro-dancer Janette Manrara. ‘He’s a divine human being,’ she says. ‘He lives round the corner from my house, so we can start the day with me making him breakfast before we go to work. Myself and Frankie went out the other night with Aljaz and Janette and we had a lovely time.
‘I love dance – even though I got kicked out of ballet classes when I was three for picking everyone up – but I haven’t done any for 12 years. I’m so grateful to Strictly and Aljaz is excited about teaching me.’
But it’s a particular man she’s dedicating her first Strictly performance to this weekend – her adored grandfather Eddie, who passed away at the age of 82 on the first day of rehearsals.
‘They didn’t want to tell me,’ she reveals. ‘But my uncle didn’t know that and he called me. He said, ‘I’m so sorry, Grandpa had a heart attack on his way to the hospital and died.’ I just broke down.
‘Grandpa was the greatest and he was so thrilled about me doing Strictly, so my waltz to Nat King Cole is a tribute to him because he loved his Nat King Cole. Strictly’s an absolute heaven-sent task for me to focus my grief.
‘My grandma will be there with me every week I’m still in.’ She says her fellow contestant Louise Redknapp, whose Strictly dressing room is next door to Daisy’s, has been a huge support. ‘It’s been tough but thank God I have Lou. She’s been amazing.’
Louise, now perhaps best known as Mrs Jamie Redknapp, glides in and gives Daisy a hug. ‘I love Daisy,’ she says. ‘The last thing I want to do is compete with someone I really like. We couldn’t be more different – I’m a mum of two boys and I’m older.’
So why is Louise here? Fans will remember her as the quintessential 90s golden girl, the blonde smiley one in Eternal who became the first all-girl group to sell over a million albums in the UK, clocking up four Brit Award nominations.
She went on to forge a successful solo career, was constantly voted one of FHM’s Sexiest Women and married England football heart-throb Jamie in 1998.
Now she’s 41, a TV presenter, blogger and, mostly, a mum, although she seems to be seizing the opportunity to remind people of what she used to do. ‘My husband and my kids are my everything. But with the passing years you forget, actually, I used to perform in front of people. That was a normal daily thing.’
Despite her background, she says she knew it would be tough. ‘But it’s tougher than I thought it would be. I think people are expecting a certain level of dance experience, but that was 20 years ago, and it was pop videos where I did a bit of hip turning and a bit of shimmying with the hands.’
Dancing with her professional partner Kevin Clifton is helping Louise rediscover her inner diva. ‘It’s reminded me of how much I love singing and dancing again. It’s easy to forget what you’ve done.
‘When I met Jamie I was out there in music, singing and dancing and you forget. When he came to the studio to watch me rehearse he said, ‘Hey, I forgot you could do this.’ It was like turning back the clock. So I’m hoping he’s just going to be proud.’
She feels lucky to have been partnered with Kevin, although she says it was slightly uncomfortable at first. ‘It was strange having another man’s hand on my waist, but Kevin’s made it so practical that it just feels normal. And his wife Karen’s been great too. She’s just popped down to rehearsals and I’ve grabbed a few notes from her.’
Is Jamie worried? ‘Oh God no. He’s been to the studio and met Kevin. He’s very supportive but he’d hate to do any dancing himself.’
Quite which one of these contestants will put the most sizzle into Strictly this year – judged once again by Len Goodman, in his final year, Darcey Bussell, Craig Revel Horwood and Bruno Tonioli – is unclear.
Louise falls about laughing at the thought it could be her. ‘I hate the idea of wearing anything racy. I have a 12-year-old, after all. And the reality is that after the first week, Jamie was wrapping towels with frozen peas around my knees because I could barely walk,’ she laughs.
Of course, all the money will be on the ladies emerging triumphant, and poor Ed Balls emerging as the joke act. But write him off at your peril. He certainly isn’t going to be actively going for the laughs, indeed he seems quite miffed to be compared to the likes of Ann Widdecombe or John Sergeant.
‘I don’t want to be the joker,’ he insists. ‘I’m not going to be the person who starts off already being able to dance but you’ve got to try your best. I don’t think John really tried to dance in the end. And I don’t think that route’s available to me because I don’t think Katya will let me. So I’m definitely going to attempt to do the moves.’
Brace yourselves, then. And long may those sequins sparkle, whatever strain they may be under.
Strictly Come Dancing, tonight, 6.30pm, BBC1.
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